Change

To change or not to change...that is always the question. For most people, the answer is no, "I like me just the way I am!" Change causes just too much trouble and unpredictable trouble at that. So, most people elect to let things stay as they are, for better or for worse. The main reasons why most people resist change is that they either fail to find a compelling reason to change or expect that the change will entail too much of a hardship. In other words, if the reason for change is not greater than the detraction of the effort it takes, there is no net incentive to change.

There are plenty of compelling reason to change, but most people don't see them because to see them is to require them to act on them. So, ignorance serves as a means of avoiding a trigger to an action provoking sequence. No one wants to leave their comfort zone to the unknown zone, even it is potentially a better unknown.

If people only realized how easy it is change, they would try it more often. Change is easy if it is managed, and difficult if it is not. So, the first way to make change easy is to manage it. The second way to make change easy is to start with the easiest part first. The easiest thing for humans to change is not their behavior but their thinking. Our thinking is under instant control. So, by just thinking different thoughts, one is on their way to change. As many philosophers have suggested, "As a man thinkth, so he is". Constant thinking about a change - behavior or possession - will ultimately drive one to take action. The specific action is less important that the prerequisites that prepare one to act: 1) a compelling reason (the what or why) and 2) affirmations of thinking that one is likely to get what they want if they just make an effort. From the "what, why, and constant focus of one's thinking", one is likely to initiate some actions (the hows) that will propel one towards the achievement of the change they desire.

Don't forsake change just because it seems so difficult. Just take a few steps to manage the change and it will be yours.

To change for the worst is easy, just give into temptation and slide down the slippery slope to addictions and other failure habits. To change for the better is tougher and required more work and dedication.

The fastest and most effective way to change for the better is to get rid of some of our negative emotions such as fear, anger, and anxiety. All emotions are supported by a set of beliefs. Negative emotions are supported by negative beliefs, by definition. For example, most people become fearful if they believe they're not are good or capable enough to cope with important life situations, such as handling their affairs or achieving what is important to them in life. Thus, the belief that "I am not good enough" (as I am now) is an irrational belief, because it leads to toxic emotions.

In selected circumstances, perhaps when you are extended beyond your comfort zone, this belief might get triggered. When it does, you will likely respond with fear and anxiety. So, if you want to rid yourself of these pesky emotions that cause you anguish, start by getting rid of the irrational beliefs that support them. For example, to counter the irrational belief that you aren't good enough, you must challenge the belief directly. Instead of allowing the subconscious to hold a toxic and life devaluing notion that you are not good enough, challenge it with this statement, " I can do almost anything I want if I have the proper incentive." or this one, "If I act like the person I want to be, then I will be the person I want to be."

Write down your own personal rational challenges as you think of them. Then, when a negative emotion is triggered, use them to counter the irrational belief that is supporting them. Over time, the irrational belief will slowly be replaced by its rational equivalent. When the replacement is complete, similar situation will trigger the new rational belief instead. When a rational belief is triggered, you will respond with more acceptance, resolve, and readiness to take proactive action.

You can't change others directly by simply asking them to change. The only way that really works to change others is to do so indirectly, People are open to influence, but it must be subtle. If people want to change, it is will because they want to. Once the subject has seen how much better life is after change, than it is now, they will willingly make the change.

To influence others to change, you have to show them how much richer their life can become with change. You must create the change for them, let them experience the positive effects of the change, then show them how they can own the change. Some people will catch on quickly and adapt to fit into this new and better reality. In case they have trouble interpreting what they have to do to keep the new and improved relationship, you will have to tell them.

To get the change you seek from others, you must be the agent of the change. You must have the power to create a situation that is compellingly better than what currently existed for the other person. Your behavior towards the person you want to change is the only tool you have as a change agent. Here is the secret for others. To get the change you want, you must first give it and give it abundantly. You must be the change you seek.
As the other person begins to receive your graciousness and kindness, they will begin to respond in kind. They are likely to respond slowly at first, because they are not accustomed to the favorable treatment they are getting. Instead, they may respond with the old, undesirable behaviors. But as surely as like attracts like, they will begin to respond. As they begin to respond as you desire, you must reward each small improvement with positive reinforcement. Each small, behavioral step in the right direction must be acknowledged with profuse approbation and praise. "When you treat me like this, I just want to do more for you", is always an excellent way to reinforce the behavior you are trying to elicit.

Once you get the change you want from the other person, you cannot go back to the way things were with your old behavior. You must continue to treat the other person as kindly as you have now trained them to respond back to you. If you don't keep it up, neither will the other person, and the relationship will deteriorate back to where it began. All change is hard won and easy to lose. Thus, to elicit the change you want from another in your relationship, you must first improve the way you relate to the other person.

Self-Management Tools - Change